Most people know me as a very positive enthusiastic person who embraces life. Lately I have been letting the cloud of homesickness engulf me and I haven't really been that person...I miss that person. I miss being all bright and positive. On Saturday I was super hyper and I realized later when I was talking to my sister...I haven't been that happy since just after I moved here. What changed? Then, on Sunday when we finally went to church and I was listening to the sermon which was based on the reading from 1 Corinthians 15:54b, 55.
"Death is swallowed up in victory. O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?" I realized that I had been letting death have victory over my life. I have pretty much stopped doing my morning devotions and I rarely put on worship music during the day anymore. I have been listening to lies and letting myself be depressed and negative. I have been pushing down my real feelings and not listening to the truth. Then last week I got a letter in the mail from my dear friend Katie Blum. And she told me not to be afraid to whine, complain, vent, and rant to people I trust and that got me thinking. I feel like all I have been doing is complaining...but I haven't. Not to my friends anyways. Just to myself and how healthy is that? Then last night I got terrible back spasms and this morning I am set up on the floor all drugged up and feeling horrible and realizing that this is a wake up call for me. I have so much to be thankful for! I have so much to praise God for. I need to choose life everyday and fight against the death that tries to swallow me up. I need to wake up every morning and declare life over myself, my husband and our life here. I need to tell depression to get out and be a light amongst the darkness.
I started this blog wanting to keep people up to date with our life and many times I have started to write something like this and stopped thinking "no one wants to hear this, they just want to know what we do day to do." Boring! So, starting today I am going to start afresh. I am going to stop listening to lies and listen to the truth. I am going to embrace life and love where I am! I am sure that homesickness is still going to creep in when I see pictures on my niece and nephews, when I see my friends doing fun things, when I talk to my mom. But I can choose life. So I am going to!! :)
Thank you for your prayers and little notes of encouragement. Every once in awhile I get an email or letter and it lifts me up. :) Thank you for those. I will try to send my own as well.
